‘My dad just killed himself’ by Anonymous

“I once had a blind date with a girl who had very short teeth, about half the length of a normal set. Anyway, after about twenty minutes of banter I asked her if anything was the matter, as she didn’t seem to be relaxed at all. That’s when she told me about her month. Apparently, her father was a farmer who had very recently committed suicide, they’d found his body in the driveway with a shotgun, although according to her the police were unconvinced that it was self-inflicted. After this terrible revelation and my suggestion that we could always meet up another time, she then mentioned that this was compounded by discovering the fiance of her sister having sex with his own male cousin under a table on the day of the wedding. The marriage still went ahead, despite her warning her sister. The groom then disappeared, only to turn up at their door a few weeks later in a panic, asking if he could hide in their attic because he was being hunted by Interpol. I felt bad, but it was all too much information to take in and she was a wreck, so I suggested we call it a night.”


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